Yuvaani

Sunrays peeked through my window curtains and reached my eyes. I opened them slowly and read the time in the wall clock. Hmm, not late. After a few moments of disheartening, I have to leave my bed, unfortunately. I did my morning chores and got ready for the office.

Getting ready, I checked my phone. Aarush's message has been still floating in my notification bar. I decided to reply him.

I was at the dining table by now while replying him simultaneously. Mumma placed a paratha and tea cup in front of me. I grabbed the tea cup and took a sip.

My eyes went wide looking at the screen and I coughed hard. Maybe food went into the wrong pipe ! Not that the tea was too hot, but his text ! I meant- what did he just say ?

'I'm ready to marry you !?'

Wasn't he the one asking you say no to my parents-? My subconscious mind mocked. Exactly my point ! How can he just-

What ? I mean how-
I texted him back.

Yeah !

But you asked me to say no myself. And now-

I know. Can we talk about this in person ?

Now ?

Whenever you wish to.

Today at 2 pm ? My lunch break.
I'll text you address then.

Sure. See you then. Bye.

Bye.

I ate as fast as I could and rushed to the office. I don't want to think anything. Just work. I went to my head, and asked for today's details and events. Few things need to be done. I sat and made it done on my laptop and printed it out to present those. Taking a dose of coffee while doing that.

A few hours later, my phone pinged with a notification.

'Address ?' Aarush asked me.

I sent him the address of CCD which is right in front of my office. He had seen it and didn't reply back.

In another ten minutes my phone rang. Aarush calling. I glanced at my wrist watch which reads 1:55 pm. I texted him 'I'll be there"

A few minutes later my lunch break began and I rushed off the office. I never liked the fact that I'm late or people are waiting for me.

There ! I saw him in a navy blue shirt. He looked good-? No no ! Decent. He looked decent. The most appropriate word to describe him.

I went to him and sat against him, gaining his attention.

"Hey !" He greeted.

"Hey" I returned him back. Soon the attendant came and asked for our orders.

"Cold coffee for me" I completed my part of the story.

"Double it" He said and smiled at the waiter.

For a second my eyes clinged onto his russet brown eyes. It was the first time he seemed to be agreeing and accepting my choices. It's just coffee, Vaani. My brain mocked me.

Yes, I know. It's just that I was surprised as he agreed with me. I thought he won't do it in this lifetime, as far as his love Priya is concerned.

"So, I think we should begin" he stepped in directly into the topic, making me dart my eyes off him so he wouldn't feel uncomfortable. And he's always like this ! Coming direct to the topic.

You're complaining about that ? My good brain asked. 'Not complaining, Just mentioning.' I replied back.

"Yeah" I agreed to him.

"I'm sorry for the sudden inconvenience. I also thought I won't marry you. Not you, but anyone else. But things have changed-" he began explaining it to me.

While I patiently waited for him to continue after the pause he took. "Everyone were showing me the brighter side of having you"

Having you ? My brain again darted in between ! 'As a wife. Just for his kids' I mentioned back giving an internal tight lipped smile.

"And I realised Priya also wanted me to get remarried, for our kids" he stated.

But you know what ? It hurts. It really hurts. This statement just scares me that I can't have a normal marriage. He is just marrying me for the formalities that he has to fulfill. And I will be sacrificing myself into that. I too wish, that my husband to love me like Aarush loves Priya. Even after she's not here, he fulfills her wishes as she's already with him, waiting for him at home.

"So the main reason for marriage is this and I can't back off. It's her last wish" He completed his explanation and I nodded in understanding.

Our coffee was served and I took a slip. He looked into my eyes as he was asking me my opinion about the things he stated.

"I know it's hard for you. But for this can't y-you find any other girl to get m-married to you ?" I asked him hesitantly. I wasn't sure if he would react.

"It isn't that way. My family is convinced about you."

I nodded again.

"What are your expectations ?" I asked him.

"Nothing much, actually. We'll just be married for our families and society. I don't even want to burden you by giving you my kids' responsibilities. I'll look after them. You don't have to worry about that"

Now I landed into deep thoughts. Means I'll be marrying him for just the sake of others ! I don't have to take care of his kids ? Then why am I even marrying him ? He's so confusing !

"Hey, where are you lost ?" He asked.

"Nothing"

"No, I can see you're tensed. You can tell me what is bothering you" he suggested.

"Nothing" I gave him a tight lipped smile and I glanced at my watch. "Aarush, I have to leave. My lunch time is over." I said finishing my coffee.

"Sure" he said and I got up and was about to go.

"Yuvaani" I heard his voice. And I turned back in a questioning gaze.

"Thank you for marrying me" I gave him a fake smile and rushed into my workspace. I don't want to face him. Or anyone. I just want to be alone.

Is it a joke ? Koi bolta hai shadi karlo. Koi kehta hai uske bacche hai toh kya hua. Koi kehta hai tumhe baccho ka burden nahi uthana. Koi kehta hai pyaar zaroori nahi. Bina pyaar ke bhi shadi nibhayi jaa sakti hai. Mazak hai kya ? Matlab mujhe khud ko khona hi padega ? Wo bhi dusro ke liye ? Kyuki ye main nahi karna chahti. And if I did this, I would not be me anymore.

[ People say get married. Some say he's a father so what ? He said you don't have to take kids' responsibilities. Some say love isn't important. Relationships can go without that too. Is it a joke ? Do I really have to lose myself ? That too for others ? Because I'm not willing to do this. ]

The rest of the day I was trying to focus on my work. But I can't. The threatening thoughts of my life came my way. I can't handle more. I need to go home, I'm not feeling well. I took a half day leave and went home.

As mom opened the door, I saw her happy face.

"Thank God you're early ! I was about to call you." She mentioned.

"Why ?" I asked with a dead face.

She dragged me to the kitchen and stuffed something in my mouth ! I tasted it and recognised it was sweet.

"Congratulations, Nairs said Yes !" She buzzed gleefully.

"I've called Pandit ji this evening, they'll let us know the auspicious time."

I went to my room and locked myself. I was feeling numb. Isn't this all going too fast ? I was feeling choked. Lifeless. Nothing was coming my way. I went to my washroom and cried. Because that's the only thing I can do. Then I came to my bed and hugged myself. I didn't know when sleep engulfed me.

I was disturbed by a knock at the door. Well, It was just a knock, those were bangs on the door ! I opened it.

"What are you doing ? Aren't you ready ?" Mom asked being worried.

"Why ? What happened?" I asked her.

"It's 7 pm Vaani. Get dressed. Guests are outside." Saying this she locked her out.

Well, I could hear some distant chatters of people. Defeatedly, I got ready. Just a few necessary things were left. There was a knock at the door again.

"I'm coming Maa, wait." I shouted.

Still the knock continued. I got irritated and I opened the door in a jerk. A small kid with his hand at the door in a knocking position ! I've seen him somewhere.

"May I come in, Mami ?" The kid asked.

Mami ? Is he Aarush's nephew ? Maybe yes. Oh so Aarush's family is outside.

"Yes, come in" I welcomed him with a smile on my face. It was a genuine one. He's a cute kid.

He sat on my bed patiently.

"You look beautiful" he said by attaching his thumb and index finger in a circle and the other three potruded outwards of his right hand.

"Thank you baby boy" I kissed his cheeks and wore my earrings.

"What's your name ?" I asked him

"Vihaan. But people call me Vihu. You can also call me that because you are my Mami" he answered in his baby voice cutely nodding his head.

"Who told you to call me Mami ?" I introgetted while wearing my other earring.

"Mumma, Nani, nanu, mamu ! Umm- All of them" he giggled and I smiled at his childish behaviour.

"Okay, so for your cuteness I'll give you a chocolate" I offered him willingly.

"Really ?" His eyes lit in excitement.

"Yes" I went and searched the mini chain of my bag. I found two of them so I gave him both.

"Thank you!" Saying he rushed outwards making me smile.

I too went outside and saw a bunch of people in the living room.

"There she is !" Mom said averting others' attention to me.

"Sit here, Pandit ji will make an important announcement" Papa said and made me sit beside Aarush. He passed a smile to each other.

"So, according to their birth chart, 29 out of 36 qualities are matched." He stated.

"And the auspicious time ?" It was Aarush's mother.

"It is after eight days." He declared shocking me.

It isn't true right ? Eight days ? You got to be kidding me !

"Eight days ? Isn't it too early, Pandit ji ? Is there any other time ?" Papa asked him.

"Okay, let me see."

After a great pause he added "Yes, we've found another time too"

"When is it ?" This was my mother. I sighed, hoping for a delay.

"Within sixteen months" he stated. I was a bit relaxed listening to him.

My mother gasped. "It's too late." She continued.

I looked at Aarush to see what he might be feeling. But he held a blank, expressionless and dead face. I think I should be the same. No emotions involved. Do whatever you want to do, but leave me alone.

"Sixteen months are too long-" his mother stated.

"I think it's good, we'll know each other by then" I tried to postpone.

"That you can do after marriage too" Papa declared. And his tone was a little rough enough for telling me to keep quiet.

I pleaded Aarush by my eyes, to which he nodded shortly. "I think she's right." He tried to take my side.

"But, it's too late. It's better if we do it within eight days. Isn't didi ?" His mother asked my mom.

They're hell bent on getting us married !

"Yes, of course" my mom agreed with aunty.

Feeling rejected, I lost all my hopes. They will do anything to get us married. And I had opposed it much, but there's no use ! Now I don't have the will to fight, as either way the result will be the same.

My mom looked at my dad and he nodded along with uncle.

"Okay so, after eight days, 11 am is the auspicious time." Pandit ji said looking into some books.

He got a call and was excused. And came back saying he has to go for a Pooja. I bent on taking his blessings along with Aarush and he left.

"I want to say something." Aarush said dominantly

"Yes ?" It was Papa.

"I want a court wedding with minimal people present." He declared.

"But Aaru-" his mother tried to interrupt him but he intruppted her instead.

"No, Maa. I can't have a full on swing wedding. And we all know the reason. Please don't force me."

"But beta, Rivaaj ?" Mom asked him being concerned.

"I don't know aunty. I can't get married that way. Otherwise let's cancel this wedding. I'm not-"

"No no- We'll have court marriage." His mother declared looking at my mother with pleading eyes.

"Beta, we have just one daughter. And we wished her to bid with all good memories. But court wedding- I mean- at least we can have a wedding in a temple ? I want my daughter's wedding to be with at least some rituals. We've been waiting for this day for so long-"

"But aunty-"

"Temple, please ? It will just be us. Your family and our family. That's it" she pleaded to which he nodded with great difficulty.

Later, everyone was happy and we're greeting each other exchanging sweets and hugs. But my phone pinged "Can we talk in the corner for five minutes?" It was Aarush.

I glanced at him and nodded. We went into the living room's balcony.

"Are you Okay ?" He asked first, to which I nodded.

"Yuvaani-"

"It's okay, Mujhe kabhi toh shadi karni hi thi, abhi sahi" I plastered a fake smile at him.

[I have to marry someday, so why not now]

"If you want we can cancel-"

"No. Let it be. Our parents won't consider it." I stated the matter of fact.

"Yuvaani, I just want to fulfill Priya's last wish that's why-" he tried to explain to me as he didn't seem convinced by my replies.

"It's okay. I understand." I smiled at him and left.

Later, everyone was quite happy and we had our dinner together and bid them bye. It was actually tiring. I had accepted my fate, that there's no love in it. Sighing I made my way to my room.

Unknowingly my heart pained. I really don't know the reason this time. Is it that he won't ever love me ? Or is it that he's just doing this for Priya not for us ? Spare it ! Who cares ? Nobody cares about my feelings-

I felt a knock on the door.

"Yes ?" I said

The door opened and revealed Papa. He came and sat next to me.

"What do you think about engagement ?"